OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
