Umm I'm too high to move.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
