twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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