you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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