True but thats because hes a fetus.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
