Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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