come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
