we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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