I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
