Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs sedatives and a leash
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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