I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
