and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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