hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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