He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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