hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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