I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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