Got a toothbrush?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
