just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
