You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
