I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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