No awkward lesbian experiences without me
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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