About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
how does that bad decision feel?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
