i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She needs sedatives and a leash
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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