Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
