dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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