I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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