I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
