then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
