hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
