dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Everclear isn't food dammit
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
