I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize