Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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