I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
