Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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