Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
