Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
