his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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