Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Randomize
