I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
dude i'm inner monologue high
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
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She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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