watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
