Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
