bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
