So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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