This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
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I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
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I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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