they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
