Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize