dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
i now understand why vodka
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
