I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
