Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
