I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
