Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
