covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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