when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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