Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
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Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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