walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
so let's talk penis.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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