If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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