What did we do last night that was yellow?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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